Comfort!

January 25th, 2014| Topic: RaMbLeS | 4

Out here in the Dallas—Fort Worth Metroplex, 140-year-old Texas Christian University (affiliated with the Disciples of Christ denomination) is one of our shining stars. The battle between the Horned Frogs (their football team) and the Mustangs (Southern Methodist University’s football team)—the Battle for the Iron Skillet—is historic. The school boasts such alumni as CBS journalist Bob Schieffer, Texas state senator Wendy Davis of filibuster fame, one or two Rockefellers, and even Rev. Timothy “Tim” Lovejoy of The Simpsons who claims to have graduated from TCU.

Anyhow, TCU’s students want more from their administration. It’s a tissue issue.

Apparently the school provides only one-ply toilet paper in the restrooms of its dormitories, and classroom and office buildings. [Gasp!]

One ply! How could they!

Declared Student Body President, Cody Westphal:

This is a big thing. You know, TCU has this reputation for the highest quality everything—whether it is education, technology, teachers, students—whatever. I think the next obvious step would be to take the step of quality toilet paper!”

Yes, indeed. It’s not enough to give out degrees and train football players. No, sir! It’s not enough to mould young minds with a Christian worldview, and equip them to face the world. Nope! You gotta make sure that certain parts of the anatomy of faculty, staff, and students are clean. Yup! They need … two-ply toilet paper.

The hapless students in the dorms who are unable to survive on the one-ply variety [Gasp!] are on their own.

Said a TCU student who is in the know:

I know a lot of people have gone out of their way to go to the store to get two ply.”

They have to spend their own money for two ply? Gross injustice.

The students demanded their student government take action.

Explained another sufferer:

One part of the issue is a simple comfort factor. You just can’t put a price tag on single ply versus double ply. You’ve got to think what’s more comfortable for the person using it.”

Comfort? Of course. I couldn’t believe it—one-ply? [Gasp!]

So the Student Body reps went to the school administrators. Westphal is confident the school’s chancellor, Dr. Victor J. Boschini, Jr., is on board with their demand.

I think he’s secretly got a supply of two-ply somewhere.”

Yeah? This is oppression that reeks of Animal Farm. Everyone’s equal but some are more equal than others and use two-ply. While the poor students …. One ply! [Gasp!]

Anyway, things are apparently going to change and the persecuted martyrs have been promised better toilet paper. As one news outlet reported, the students are now flush with success!

Wonder what Paul used …

… in much endurance, in afflictions, in hardships,
in distresses, in beatings, in imprisonments,
in tumults, in labors, in sleeplessness, in hunger.
2 Corinthians 6:4

I found the answer.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
the Father of mercies and God of all comfort,
who comforts us in all our affliction
so that we will be able to comfort those
who are in any affliction with the comfort
with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance,
so also our comfort is abundant through Christ.
2 Corinthians 1:3–5

Sounds like he did have access to two ply. Didn’t he say he was comfortable?

I am filled with comfort; I am overflowing with joy in all our affliction.
2 Corinthians 7:4

There you go!

I gotta go and check what we have at Dallas Seminary—it had better be two ply!